Swamp Rat's Rat Pack

Hey, fellas! I've created this thread for us to share a few full-hearted laughs, something to lighten up the day when the going gets rough or you just needed something to pick you up from a gloomy day. Let me start this up with a few shorts:

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need..

...just five more minutes.

This new thesaurus I bought is the worst..

Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"

You can't run through a camp site.

You can only ran, because its past tents.

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?

I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either..

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper.

She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad

That fly didn’t stand a chance.

some of these are actually pretty good lol

Two hunters are in a forest.

One falls down. He stops breathing. His eyes are rolled back.

The other whips out his phone and calls for an ambulance.

He says to the operator "I think my friend's dead!" The operator responds in a calm and soothing voice.

"Ok, are you sure?"

The hunter responds, "Yes."

"Ok, just make sure he's dead for me."

The hunter goes off the line and a loud BANG is heard.

"Ok, what now?"

T/Sgt.Fromage wrote:Two hunters are in a forest.

One falls down. He stops breathing. His eyes are rolled back.

The other whips out his phone and calls for an ambulance.

He says to the operator "I think my friend's dead!" The operator responds in a calm and soothing voice.

"Ok, are you sure?"

The hunter responds, "Yes."

"Ok, just make sure he's dead for me."

The hunter goes off the line and a loud BANG is heard.

"Ok, what now?"

Hahaha! That caught me off guard. Just keep 'em coming, fellas!

I phoned my wife and said, "Would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work?"

She just grunted down the phone.

I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins.